Sunday, October 18, 2009

Ch’arles Lorem

Name: Ch’arles Lorem
Rank: Ensign
Interests: Cooking, baseball, lube
Birthplace: Trill (It’s the Trill homeworld. Look it up.)
Played by: Nick Wagner
Ch'arles Wasnewski was born on Trill (Wasnewski is a Trill name) to two perfectly normal Trill parents who did not abuse him or expose him to any sort of sexually-traumatic events. As a child, he excelled at school, practiced his Vulcan lute in the evening, and during the mild summer months played baseball with his school chums every day until it was too dark to see the ball (Trill are the only other race in the known galaxy to play baseball, aside from Tholians). When he learned he was not selected to receive a Trill Symbiont, Ch'arles decided he could still contribute positively to the world by attending Starfleet Academy, where he again excelled and graduated near the top of his class. He served with distinction aboard the U.S.S. Saratoga, the U.S.S. Denver, and was promoted at a young age to Commander and First Officer of the U.S.S. Daedalus (no, not that one.) While on the Daedalus, he received word that because of his distinguished performance he had been selected to undergo an unusually-late Joining procedure with the Lorem symbiont. After the Joining, Ch'arles began struggling with powerful sexual urges that were difficult to suppress. Only a few missions after the Joining, he was "accidentally" left stranded on the underdeveloped planet Mumex for over six years, where he proceeded to violate the Prime Directive repeatedly and in the most depraved ways imaginable. After being rescued from Mumex by the U.S.S. Sisyphus, Ch'arles Lorem was court-martialed. During his trial he exposed himself to the presiding Admirals and was subsequently kicked out of Star Fleet. Lorem then re-applied to the Academy, arguing that since the new individual Ch'arles Lorem had never been admitted into Star Fleet in the first place, he could not have been kicked out. This loophole allowed him to enter the Academy through the back door and matriculate almost immediately, as he had the combined knowledge of a Star Fleet Commander and a 500-year old Symbiont. He was then assigned to the Sisyphus as an Ensign, where he serves as Navigation Officer. He's had sexual fantasies about every member of the crew except, strangely, Lady Cola. In many cases he has already acted out those fantasies, usually unbeknownst to the crew members involved.

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