Thursday, October 22, 2009

Poopdeck: Counselor's Log

Counselor Log - Stardate blah,blah,blah

Hey all, Japhy here, checking in with Starfleet and letting ya know
whats going on in my life. Just got situated here on my new ship, the
USS Sisyphus. It's a cool place, man. As soon as I boarded I could
feel some real positive vibes coming from this baby. This things got
four warp thingies, so I imagine it's gotta be faster than almost any
ship in the fleet. Not that it's a competition or anything. I'm just
saying bravo engineers!

As far as the well being of the crew, I was, I must admit, a little
concerned at the get go. Some of the senior staff showed some
hesitance breaking in the ship with the maritime tradition of crapping
on board before leaving dock. This is an obvious sign of stunted
psychosexual development. Love of taking a poo is directly tied to
the love of one's own creative impulses and one's ability to create

Take Lt. Cmdr. Crick Watson for example. He was so nervous about
shitting in front of us. I assume this probably comes from
overprotective parents or the fact that the kid is a real nerdy
science geek. My prescription is getting this kid laid, stat! And
"Doctor" Foggy McLeod said he couldn't take a dump because he is a gas
entity! Cool man. Embrace what makes you you but don't over
compensate. This dude, I think, is feeling really insecure and is
coming off super arrogant. I feel for him cause, man, I would act
like a choad too if I was a ghost who couldn't eat, drink, run or make
sweet love. My mission, make a brother with no body FEEL like he is

All and all things are good for me here, but like I always say if I'm
gonna work hard, I need to play harder. So I'm taking shore leave to
Wrigley's Planet. I've been chatting online with a hot young lady
named Nancy Crater and we're gonna go spelunking for a few days.

Don't Stop Feeling,
Counselor Japhy Whitman

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