Friday, December 4, 2009

Personal Log: Venereal Space Diseases

Log entries of Commander Charles Lorem
Missing since Stardate 43926
Rescued Stardate 48345 by USS Sisyphus

**Begin Personal Log, Commander Charles Lorem**

It's been far too long since I've smelled the stale air of a shuttlecraft crammed full of Starfleet officers, but as the glow of Mumex's fledgling red-light district falls away off our starboard side my old life is rushing back to me. My dreams of command, my duty to Starfleet. I have no doubt that after my debriefing I'll be severely punished for having so thoroughly and… forcefully violated the Prime Directive. I admit I could not help myself. All my officers' training had not prepared me for the temptation of Mumex's magical double-moonlit nights.

Oh Heath! Or Keith! What did you do to this stolid officer, this son of the Federation? You took my heart, and left me cradling the broken remains of my Prime Directive. I tried to resist your caveman-like charms, and yet at last I was the one to cave. And had I to do it all again, I would. And when I was done with the Prime Directive, I'd violate the Secondary Directive too. I'd violate every directive in the book. I'd violate them all again and again. Over and over.

As we make our way back to the USS Sisyphus (did that ship exist four years ago?) I'm left with my longings. My longings and these three Starfleet officers, crammed so indelicately into this steaming hot shuttlecraft…

**End Personal Log, Commander Charles Lorem**

**Begin Extremely Personal Log, Commander Charles Lorem**

That rash is flaring up again. Right on my taint.

**End Extremely Personal Log, Commander Charles Lorem**

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