Improvised Star Trek

Ep 35: Starfleet Foxes

2012-01-31T11:17:00.000-06:00

The senior crew vies to be featured in the Foxes of Starfleet benefit calendar. Meanwhile, Ensign Lorem finally has the bridge all to himself and indulges his secret desires. Guest starring Kristen Studard

Ep 34: Borgy Nights

2012-01-24T10:42:00.000-06:00

With Captain Baxter away learning about new Borg fighting techniques, the rest of the crew encounter some chilled out Borg recruitment techniques. Lt. Smelt finds love at his promotion party.

Ep 33: Things Past

2012-01-16T09:52:00.000-06:00

Captain Baxter travels back in time to prevent a catastrophe, Fritz's marriage hits the skids, and someone learns an important lesson about cleaning up after their pet. Recorded January 8th, 2012.

Ep 32: Solar Winds of Change, Part 2

2012-01-08T11:19:00.001-06:00

And now, the exciting conclusion.

We promise to be at least as good as Season 2 of TNG

2012-01-04T12:10:00.002-06:00

Well folks, the break has been nice, but its time to get back to the USS Sisyphus. This weekend we'll be recording our first new episode of 2012. If you want to suggest a title for us, just follow us on facebook or twitter(to your right). And we'll be posting the exciting conclusion to last season's Solar Winds of Change.

Thanks to all for listening.

Ep 31: Solar Winds of Change, Part 1

2011-11-21T13:08:00.001-06:00

In the season ending cliff-hanger, Japhy's departure leaves the crew of the Sisyphus in shambles as they try to deal with the greatest threat they've faced all season.

New Episodes return in 2012!

Ep 30: Whitman's Sampler

2011-11-15T10:59:00.000-06:00

Counselor Japhy Whitman learns that every ending is a new beginning. And that sometimes, those beginnings involve tchotckes.

Ep 29: Far From Extraordinary

2011-10-31T14:39:00.001-05:00

An unexplained disappearance aboard the USS Sisyphus forces Captain Baxter to take extraordinary measures by declaring a state of extra-fancy Silver Alert

Change of address

2011-10-28T14:52:00.001-05:00

You may have noticed we are now located at THEimprovisedstartrek.com, as opposed to our old home at improvisedstartrek.com. Theres a lesson here about making sure your credit card info is up to date with your domain provider.

Regardless, http://www.theimprovisedstartrek.com is your home for news on the Chicago-based, Star Trek-inspired weekly comedy podcast, while http://www.improvisedstartrek.com is now your home for robot generated spam. Take note.

Ep 28: Daddy's Got a Filthy Little Secret

2011-10-26T14:36:00.002-05:00

Counselor Whitman must face his own neuroses to aid the female survivors of a planetary catastrophe. Lts. Fassbinder and Cola go a little overboard redecorating.

Ep 27: Calypso Fever

2011-10-17T14:54:00.004-05:00

After the ship's music files are destroyed the crew forms a band and prepares for a gig on Deep Space 8. Ensign Smelt is tested in ways he never imagined.

Ep 26: What Happens on Risa...

2011-10-10T14:15:00.002-05:00

Japhy's Risan father visits the Sisyphus in time for a party as his trailer in the Arboretum; Crick buys tickets to a C'im Cardassian concert to impress Lady.

Ep 25: Johnny Laser's:Home of the Galaxy Burger

2011-10-04T11:50:00.004-05:00

Cmdr Hayes leaves the ship to start a burger franchise, but his replacement may be hiding something. Jabel and Alex reconcile.

Ep 24: Can it be Dirty?

2011-09-26T11:15:00.004-05:00

A trip to a Restoration England planet brings tensions with Captain Baxters flatulent son to a head.

Ep 23: Encounter With the Other Side of Quiet

2011-09-19T16:36:00.002-05:00

A mysterious dead planet turns out to be alive, and then dead drunk. Lt.Cmdr Watson meddles with Counselor Whitman's DNA.

Ep 22: Children of the Gorn

2011-09-04T16:32:00.005-05:00

Ensign Lorem's past catches up with him, and the rest of the crew must run damage control.

Ep 21: The Day The Earth Stood Up

2011-09-02T16:29:00.001-05:00

Ep 20: Eye of the Storm

2011-08-23T09:25:00.004-05:00

Ep 19: The Search for The Perfect Hummus Recipe

2011-08-16T10:49:00.001-05:00

Ep 18: Thats Another Finite Mess You've Gotten Me Into

2011-08-08T18:32:00.001-05:00

Ep 17: The Uncertainty Vice Principal

2011-08-02T11:34:00.003-05:00

Ep 16: Klingon for Dear Life

2011-07-25T15:42:00.001-05:00

Ep 0: As Being Human Goes

2011-07-16T15:25:00.005-05:00

While enroute to Betazed to accept a Stellar Award, Captain Baxter and the Sisyphus encounter a Klingon vessel. Also, that Stellar Award: not all its cracked up to be.

Ep 14: Shields Up!

2011-07-13T15:13:00.005-05:00

In this mini-episode, the Sisyphus again comes under fire from an unknown assailant and has to fend off a hostile boarding party.

Subspace Communique covers Improvised Star Trek

2011-07-07T15:32:00.000-05:00

Sunspace Communique, offering Trek Culture Served Daily, recently did a review of Improvised Star Trek. You can read the article here:
Something Every Trek Fan Should Check Out. Weekly Improvised Star Trek With The USS Sisyphus

Ep 13: City on the Edge of Tuesday

2011-07-07T15:26:00.000-05:00

The Sisypyhus is confronted by a powerful enemy spacecraft, and the bridge crew are caught with their pants down. Metaphorically. At first.

Ep 12: Sparkle Quarks

2011-06-29T15:35:00.000-05:00

Ep 11: A Million Billion Miles and Running

2011-06-20T12:10:00.000-05:00

New Episode! "A Million Billion Miles and Running" Fritzy hits a major engineering milestone, and suffers a midlife crisis as a result.

Ep 10: A Wrinkle in Thyme

2011-06-15T12:01:00.001-05:00

Starfleet Review Board interviews Counselor Japhy Whitman

2011-06-15T12:00:00.002-05:00

Malfunction!

2011-05-29T15:46:00.001-05:00

Its been brought to our attention that some visitors are having difficulty listening to the podcast via the embedded players on this site. We're working to correct this problem, but in the meantime, you can always click on the poster to left to access our page on iTunes, wheres new episodes of Improvised Star Trek are available for download without difficulty.

Ep 9: Ch'arles in Ch'arge

2011-05-29T12:00:00.001-05:00

Ep 8: Cosmic Raise

2011-05-22T12:00:00.004-05:00

Ep 7: Butt Trouble

2011-05-15T12:00:00.000-05:00

Episode 6: Bright Light in a Black Hole

2011-05-08T12:00:00.001-05:00

Episode 5: Phaser? I barely know her!

2011-05-01T12:00:00.000-05:00

Starfleet Review Board interviews Capt. Julius Baxter

2011-04-27T15:57:00.001-05:00

Episode 4: Aesop's Conundrum

2011-04-24T00:00:00.000-05:00

Listen to Epiosde 4: Aesop's Condundrum, here:

Or subscribe to us on iTunes.

Episode 3:My Brother my Killer

2011-04-17T00:00:00.001-05:00

Launch Party 4/9/2011

2011-04-12T11:23:00.001-05:00

Thanks to all who came out for our launch party! Those in attendence got to see the live performance of bonus episode: The Wind That Didn't Blow, with intro music from Thereminist Joe Mason. There was trivia, there were costumes, there was Romulan Ale, courtesy of our bartender ~~Guinan~~ Meredith.

The first two episodes of the podcast can be heard on the podcast page, or better yet, you could subscribe to us on iTunes by clicking on the image to your right. Be sure to write us a review!

And now, some scenes from the evening:

Engage!

2011-04-10T00:30:00.000-05:00

For your enjoyment
About a Gorn

plus bonus mini-episode
Ariel vs Times New Roman, shuttle lettering best practices

Improvised Star Trek Returns April 9th!

2011-03-16T11:30:00.004-05:00

After recovering from our season of facing Bongo-playing Borg, Oprah/Tribble hybrids and Backdoor Space Sluts, the USS Sisyphus is ready to get back to work. Its with much excitement that we announce the return of Improvised Star Trek, now in the form of a weekly online podcast.

Every week we'll be taking suggestions submitted on Twitter and Facebook and creating a fully improvised episode detailing the further adventures of the USS Sisyphus, be they responding to a rogue Klingon attack or enduring the ship’s open mic night. New episodes will be posted every week and available for download on the web or iTunes!

To celebrate our triumphant return, we're throwing a launch party at Midnight, April 9th at the iO Theater! Join us for some Romulan Ale and dance to the stylings of the USS Sysphus ship’s DJ, Japhy Whitman. The evening will feature a live performance and a preview of episodes to come!

Thanks to everyone who came to our Season One run at iO, and who contacted us asking for more. This wouldn't be happening with out you.

An Exciting Announcement

2011-03-15T14:00:00.002-05:00

is forthcoming! check out Improvisedstartrek.com Wednesday March 16th to be the first to know!

Spacebook

2010-06-05T11:42:00.014-05:00

If you can't bare to be without us, why not be our fan on Facebook(link to the right)? You can still get news from the Sisyphus crew. Why, just recently we drank a bunch of beer. For charity.

summer cliffhanger

2010-06-01T13:17:00.001-05:00

Its been a blast, but all good things must come to an end. Thanks to all who came out over the last 30 weeks. Midnight on a Chicago winter's night isn't always the most intuitive time to go see some comedy, and we appreciate it.

And what about an Improvised Star Trek Season Two? Stay tuned.

Episode 30: Doctor Who

2010-05-13T16:39:00.015-05:00

Captain Bill Spillman has been found dead with a belt wrapped around his throat, and while Cmdr Hayes and LtCmdr Watson deal with his apparent suicide, an unsupervised Counselor Whitman, Lt.Cmdr Raxter, Lt.Cola, and Ensign Lorem decide to take the ship to the edge of the universe, inexplicably found in our own galaxy. To get there the Sisyphus must pass through the Neutral Zone into Romulan territory, where they soon encounters a Romulan warbird under the command of a Commander Koopar.
To everyones surprise Commander Kopaar is conciliatory, suggesting that the Sisyphus and his vessel engage in an officer exchange. Two female Romulan officers, the sisters Kootar and Kootay, beam over, and in exchange LtCmdr Watson is sent to the Romulan ship, on a shuttle piloted by Lt. Cmdr Raxter.

Kootar & Kootay, who have grown beards under the mistaken impression that human women do so, are led on a tour of the ship by Cmdr Hayes and Lt. Cola, who's so taken with them that she has the computer replicate her a beard as well. Meanwhile, Ensign Lorem meets with Counselor Whitman to discuss a personal problem; his overpowering lust for Romulan women. On the shuttlecraft, Lt.Cmdr Rick Raxter reveals a shocking secret to Lt.Cmdr Watson. That he, Rick Raxter, is actually Captain Julius Baxter in disguise, hiding amongst his own crew after going on the run from Starfleet. Captain Baxter now plans to destroy the Romulan Warbird using a tactic he developed in his time off: the hold of the shuttlecraft is filled with plague blankets that he intends to smother the warbird's warp core with, resulting in a massive explosion preceded by a few moments of virulent illness. Lt. Watson, amazed that he was fooled by the captain's disguise, doubts the plan but decides to assist the Captain.

Unfortunately, the Romulan sensors quickly detect the Captain's fake mustache shortly after they arrive, and he and Watson are captured. Commander Koopar contacts the Sisyphus to reveal their treachery, as well as his own. For Kootar and Kootay have been hard at work on the Sisyphus disabling its shields and using their Romulan nerve pinch (which differs from the Vulcan nerve pinch in that it just stings like the Dickens) on anyone who tried to stop them. The Sisyphus is at a disadvantage, without defenses in Romulan territory, but when Koopar taunts them with this fact, they remind him they're only here to see the edge of the universe, which the Romulan Star Empire cannot call dibs on. Koopar explains that the empire will not even allow him or his ship to approach the edge either. But after being Triple-Relbenbeast-Dared Koopar agrees to beam over the Sisyphus and allow it to take him there. He arrives onboard with the Baxter and Watson, and en route to the edge Lt. Cola sees an opportunity to incapacitate Kootay & Koopar. The ship proceeds with the Romulans now the prisoners; Ensign Lorem takes the opportunity violently nuzzle and spoon the prisoners.

Upon reaching the edge, everyone grows violently ill, with the exception of the gaseous Dr. "Foggy McCloud." Soon, over the edge pops God, an eccentrically-dressed british dandy with a long scarf and whimsical top hat. The last is too much for Computer, who resigns as ship's computer. God speaks of his vast power to a wreching crew, but on seeing Dr. "McCloud" starts a fight, having recognized the Doctor from the Big Bang. Dr. "McCloud" is victorious, despite God turning his hands into flowers, but when the crew try to claim God's hat as as a trophy, they quickly become infected with its megalomania. The hat is fired out into space and the Sisyphus heads back towards Federation space. They've had a big day, not to mention a stupid and impossible one, and Captain Baxter thinks they could all use a visit to the Ice Cream Planet.

With Special guest Jon Forsythe as Commander Koopar and SubCommander Kootar

Episode 29: The Mouse King

2010-05-04T12:29:00.004-05:00

Onboard the shuttlecraft SS The Rumpus, Cmdr Hayes and LtCmdr Watson are escorting their new Captain, Bill Spillman, to the USS Sisyphus. The two are excited by the new Captain's professionalism and eager to put their best foot forward, but the endeavor falls apart almost immediately upon arrival. Having heard of the new captain, Ambassador Tarsonis present himself and informs Spillman he boarded the ship six years ago but was never delivered to his destination. While the crew recognize Tarsonis from around the ship(he occasionally plays tennis with Watson) they had no idea that his presence is due to any mission leaving Cpt. Bill, who reviewed the ships logs before taking command, to delivers some bad news to the Ambassador. Since coming onboard the ship his planet, Tarsonis, has been destroyed, along with his people, the Tarsonis. Lt Cmdr Watson begins searching for a new home for Tarsonis, who has spent the last few years wandering the ship; occasionally seeking solitude in its abandoned, vermin-filled sections; or fruitlessly pleading his case to the ship's holographic visitor's guide, which he mistook for the previous Captain.
Meanwhile, Captain Bill's tour of the ship with Cmdr Hayes leaves him appalled. He concludes that by any metric: the ship's low rate of planet-saves; the rats and mice subsisting on Moriarty corpses in the holodeck; the rampant tagging from an ongoing turf war between the bridge crew and the arboretum staff; he's never been on a worse ship. He makes finding Tarsonis a new home the ship's primary mission, one which he'll observe closely to root out the ship's disfunction. One planet seems to show promise until its revealed the solar radiation is rapidly aging Tarsonis, another seems nice until he reveals he cannot breath, a third seems safe enough until it begins to turn the normally stoic ambassador into a maniacal villain. Running out of options they decide give Tarsonis a shuttlecraft, but he talks them into joining him to scout out one more planet. The shuttle is both mouse infested (not a long term-problem as Tarsonis can comfortably live off their waste), and blinged-out(having been previously claimed by a member of the arboretum gang). The latter helps the shuttle blend in on the first planet they encounter: Puerto Rico World, a colonized planet where everyday is a Puerto Rico Day parade. Tarsonis is content, and Captain Spillman admits the crew's success has earned them some shore leave. Fiesta!

With Special Guests Nathan Jansen as Captain Bill, Jim Fath as Ambassador Tarsonis, and Ted Tremper as Computer.

Episode 28: Star Wars

2010-04-27T14:34:00.000-05:00

The USS Sisyphus' delivery to medical transport ship MedOne is complicated when the ship fails to respond to hails, and Cmdr. Hayes orders Lt. Cola and Lt. Fassbinder to transport over to the ship, assess the situation and take control. But a torpedo misfire from the Sisyphus rocks the transport, and the situation quickly escalates to an out-of-control starship showdown, with Lt.s Cola and Fassbinder allying themselves with MedOne's mentally impaired Computer to fight off their own ship. Soon the two vessels are caught in a back-and-forth of escalating power-plays and ruses: the Sisyphus' hotshot shuttle pilot Rick Raxter completes the medicine delivery but covertly places a biological weapon(a Fear Bomb invented by Science Officer Watson)on MedOne; unaware of his handiwork Cola & Fassbinder abduct the science officer; Cmdr. Hayes seemingly tries to end hostilities by surrendering, but sends a disguised Counselor Japhy in his place. Though his identity is revealed under interrogation Counselor Japhy manages to get a hold of the Fear Bomb, but instead of detonating it he has the Sisyphus's Computer replace it, via transporter, with a Love Bomb(also created by Watson, who was very keen to hide it from the Counselor). On the MedOne bridge both bombs seemingly detonate mid-transport, and while waiting for their dosage of the biological agent to hit the Counselor takes the opportunity to talk through the Fears and Loves of the crew. After a few personal breakthroughs the Counselor asks the computer to End Program. Cmdr Hayes arrives with LtCmdr Raxter and reveals the truth: MedOne was destroyed while Lt.'s Cola and Fassbinder were en route to the transporter room, and rather than waste an opportunity for a good wargame simulation Cmdr. Hayes, Counselor Japhy, and the Computer contrived for everything that followed to playout on the ship's holodeck. If the crew can fight outside threats as masterfully as they fight one another, the Sisyphus can count itself safe indeed.

Episode 27:The Athenian Catastrophe

2010-04-21T15:09:00.007-05:00

Captain Baxter orders the USS Sisyphus to fire on an unidentified ship he assumes is attempting an ambush, only to destroy the Federation medical transport the USS Athena. The consequence of this catastrophic mistake most likely mean court martial for the Sisyphus crew. Rejecting the idea of turning themselves in, Baxter suggests the whole crew venture out for themselves, becoming a ship of renegade space cowboys, but concerns about their longevity on such a series(of actions), and a deep rooted love of Starfleet cause some to object. As a compromise Cmdr Hayes and LtCmdr Watson try to scrape together a fifth Quadrant of the galaxy the Sisyphus can get lost in and explore, placing them beyond Starfleet's reprisal but still doing their work. Meanwhile, Ensign Lorem makes the case the that the crew should strand themselves planetside and wait out their troubles in a cave. Lt. Fassbinder and Counselor Japhy speculate whether Starfleet put Baxter in charge of the Sisyphus with the express intent of him leading the ship to its destruction, an idea that only strengthens Fassbinder's loyalty to Baxter. And privately, Dr. "Foggy McCloud" gives Baxter the shocking news that he,"McCloud," is a spy, and that the parties he reports to will destroy the Sisyphus if for any reason they suspect the ships mission is ending prematurely.

Implausibly, Watson finds a stable wormhole to the Omicron Quadrant(a region he invented by combining bits of the Gamma & Delta Quadrants with some extra-galactic void thrown in) but before the ship can travel through the USS Galaxy arrives to arrest the crew. The USS Galaxy is immediately destroyed, leading the crew confused as to how the Sisyphus could obliterate the much larger and more powerful ship. When they examine their records they discover that both the Athena and the Galaxy were destroyed by a mysterious force, which soon reveals itself when they are hailed by their own doubles: The USS Sisyphus from the so-called Abbaverse, commanded by Captain Fritz Fassbinder.

The Abbaverse ship has been monitoring the USS Sisyphus since secretly surviving their first encounter with Dr "McCloud," permanently fused with their own gaseous doctor, serving as a conflicted spy. They regret allowing this universes' Sisyphus to go free and board the ship with the intent of placing their extraneous First Officer Japhy Whitman in command. During a firefight Alt. Japhy is killed and Captain Baxter is severely wounded, leaving Dr. "McCloud," with his literally divided loyalties, to revives Baxter and makes a heartfelt plea: he has grown to love the crew of the Sisyphus and wants to find a peace. He understands why the Alternate crew of the Sisyphus is so warlike, coming as they do from a society based on Abba, and suggests that reorienting their lives around Journey, which both his sides are really into right now, might guide them to a happier life.

The Alt.Siyphus departs and Captain Baxter announces his plans to go AWOL. By taking sole blame for the destroyed ships he can give the Alt. Sisyphus a chance to start a new life and, more importantly, give his own Sisyphus a chance to continue serving in Starfleet. Lt. Cola refuses to let him escape, saying she's sick of presiding over security failures, but Baxter convinces her that the best way to protect the ship and its crew is to ensure it stays together, which can only be done with Baxter on the run. In closing, Winslow Heffington III, the ships time-traveling helmsman, pops open his umbrella and congratulates the crew. When he first arrived everyone was like a child, but under his care they've grown so much and made him truly proud; now he must continue on his way. He holds out his hand and offers to take Baxter with him on his exciting journeys through time and space. Julius Baxter opts for a shuttlecraft instead.

Wheel in the Sky

Episode 26: The Pizza Cult

2010-04-15T16:17:00.003-05:00

The crew of the Sisyphus are assigned a mission from Starfleet to Achyon 4 to investigate a mysterious pizza worshiping cult. Before arriving, the crew rendezvous with Councilor Japhy Whitman's parents, Pappy, and Mammy Whitman who come along for the mission. The Whitman's are greeted by the ship's holographic greeter. Japhy is upset at his parent's arrival, and generally aghast at everything they do throughout the mission.

The Whitman's are sex councilors from Risa, and before long Mammy Whitman has a long, intense therapy session with Captain Baxter while Pappy, and the rest of the crew investigate the pizza cult.

Lorem, Watson, and Japhy discover the cult in an underground pepperoni mine after receiving directions from a holographic greeter who looks suspiciously like the greeter from their ship. They are easily tricked by the cultists who use the handcuff setting of a phaser to capture them. The cult tries to cook the three into a giant pizza in order to honor their conception of the Circle of Life. Captain Baxter, noticing that the crew had been gone for too long, goes to investigate. He finds the crew who have managed to save themselves through the work of Japhy, and his parents.

Episode 25: Dogs from Outer Space

2010-04-06T09:47:00.003-05:00

The USS Sisyphus is en route to planet Derex Derex and Lt. Lady Cola has somehow created a new form of life in the replicator, which she hopes the whole crew can take care of together. The aggressive, spiny, furry, feathery fluke of science, soon dubbed Poopsie, is a hit with most of the crew, especially Lt. Fritz Fassbinder, who is reminded him of his own childhood pet, Fritz Fassbinder the Dog. Unfortunately, it turns out Poopsie's bites cause dramatic mutations, with new Poopsies growing out of bitewounds on Lt. Cola, Captain Baxter, Cmdr Hayes and Ensign Lorem. When Lt Cmdr Watson pushes to kill and analyze Poopsie Lt. Fassbinder releases him into the Jefferies tubes to escape. As the crews' mutations worsen a reluctant Lt. Cola is forced to lead a search party(in Starfleet/Might Ducks Flying V formation) to find and kill the creature. The search eventually leads to the haunted Deck 14, where Lt. Fassbinder again intervenes to save Poopsie, and a frustrated Captain Baxter instructs the computer to create a predator perfectly suited to hunting Poopsie down. A catlike creature with a unhinged snake jaw appears and dispatches Poopsie handily, but the perfect predator is likewise soon loose on the ship. Luckily, upon arriving at Derex Derex the Sisyphus crew discovers that they have been sent by Starfleet to answer an add for free puppies, and Derexderexian Dogs, while large and acid breathing, prefer to dine on Snakecats. Its the circle of life.

Baxter's Lights

2010-04-01T15:32:00.003-05:00

Episode 24: Super Nova Ex Machina

2010-03-31T10:42:00.005-05:00

When The USS Sisyphus delivers Captain Julius Baxter to Starbase 11 for an inquiry into some of his questionable activities, the ship is commandeered by Douglas Johannesburg, Starfleet's newest Admiral. Johannesburg, (or Doug as he insists everyone call him) hopes to harness the dark energies generated by Super Novas, and while his ideas about Dark Matter seem scientifically unsound, Doug wins over the crew explaining this is his first big project as an Admiral, and he would really appreciate a team effort. The ship prepares his special equipment to capture dark matter from a Super Nova shockwave, and the Admiral instructs Commander Hayes to find a star about to go Nova and take the ship as close as safely possible. The distance changes to as close as unsafely possible when the Commander reveals "as close as safely possible" is insufficiently close for the Admiral's purposes. Among his special equipment is a helmet that can draw dark matter from space directly into brain, which the Admiral covertly shares with Counselor Japhy. It enhances Japhy's ability to see into the mind of his crewmates, but he finds himself compelled to share it with others, so that it in turns enhances Security Chief Cola's aggression and whatever it is that Cmdr Hayes does. It also turns them violent, and they use a newfound control of gravity to assault Engineer Fassbinder & Science Officer Watson in Engineering when the two refuse to likewise use the helmet. After a struggle the helmet is beamed into space and destroyed, but the damage done to the engine room makes it impossible for the ship to escape the shockwave when the star the Sisyphus was observing finally goes Super Nova.

All seems lost, until a ship appears and hails the Sisyphus. Onboard is Doug Johannesburg, the admiral's Dark Matter doppelganger who (through some combination of the Admiral's equipment and the proximity to the Super Nova) is temporarily able to perceive and interact with our vanilla matter. He attaches a tractor beam to the Sisyphus and tows it away from the the blast radius, but warns the Admiral his experiments were causing bizarre behavior on his own ship and should be discontinued.

With Special Guest Roger Payton as Admiral Doug Johannesburg

Corbomite's Newsletter

2010-03-24T18:50:00.001-05:00

Episode 23: Bowling

2010-03-22T13:13:00.007-05:00

Lt. Cola has talked Cmdr Hayes to changing his normal holodeck plans and joining her in a game of bowling, but their time on the lanes is cut short when a red alert is declared. Gathering on the bridge, Counselor Whitman announces he has accidentally locked the ship into a course traveling at Warp 9. The ship can now not be shut down, and with Engineer Fassbinder gone on shore leave the remaining crew struggle to find a way to safely stop, concluding the process will take days. Cmdr Hayes admits he assigned the Counselor helm duties he should not normally be given, leading the Captain to order Lt. Cola to put security surveillance on Hayes. He likewise orders Counselor Whitman to keep an eye on Lt. Cola, and LtCmdr Watson to monitor the actions of the Counselor. The crew hopes that they'll at least be entering an unexplored region of space, but soon realized they're actually heading back to the heart of the Federation. Calculations confirm that they're on a collusion course that will avoid the Earth but will likely destroy its moon, with no other starship able to intercept them before the collision. Cmdr Hayes draws inspiration from his bowling lesson with Lt. Cola and suggests the ship model their approach to the Earth-Moon on the 7-10 split, the easiest shot in bowling to miss. He takes a team to engineering to put some spin on the warp field, while on the bridge an attempt is made to contact Earth's Moon to see if they can do anything to get out of the way(resulting in an awkward conversation with an old High School friend of LtCmdr Watson's who he failed to recognize). Their plans are proven unnecessary when the captain surprises everyone with an override code to halt the ship; the entire Warp 9 problem was a ruse of his to see how the crew would react. His instructions for the crew to surveil one another were likewise part of the scheme to set up the whole crew(like pins), and see how easily they could be knocked down(by the balls of adversity). His conclusion: everyone did okay-ish.

Episode 22: The Return of Pocahontas

2010-03-15T21:01:00.004-05:00

The Sisyphus docks at a starbase for some routine maintenance. Shortly after arrival, the crew discovers that another ship, the USS Achilles is also docked at the station. While the rest of the crew deals with repairs to ship (particularly the warp nacells, one of which actually falls off), Captain Baxter encounters the Captain of the Achilles, Captain Loretta Cornelius Baxter, his ex-wife.

The captain struggles with his feelings for Loretta (sometimes called Larry) while Loretta explores the Sisyphus. Despite being the Captain of the Galaxy class USS Achilles, Loretta struggles to understand the camaraderie of the crew of the much crappier USS Sisyphus.

Captain Baxter (Julius, of the Sisyphus) turns to Japhy to help him sort out his feelings. Japhy responds by bringing 18 children onto the ship, and leaving them in the holodeck. Unfortunately, the holodeck program goes haywire, and the forest walk that Japhy had taken the children on turns into an endless forest. Things go from bad to worse when the ship's population of phaser armed mice make it into the holodeck with the children.

Eventually, the children escape into the Jeffries tubes. Japhy claims that some simulated Native American Indians from the holodeck also escape. Eventually, Japhy reveals to the Captain that he set all of this up to get the Captains back together.

Despite the deaths of two of the children, (who are promptly jettisoned into space) the Captains are reconciled (somewhat, they don't get back together or anything) with the computer while the rest of the crew watches from the Sisyphus's bar, Starboard's.

With special guest Natalie Sullivan as Captain Loretta Cornelius Baxter

Episode 21: BackDoor Space Sluts 9 (bDSs9)

2010-03-08T15:34:00.002-06:00

The USS Sisyphus is en route to Greavton, a planet that the Federation has deemed sufficiently advanced for First Contact with other species. Captain Baxter is initially unenthusiastic about the mission until he learns that Greavtonian society is extremely sexually permissive. He blows off the remainder of his mission briefings and takes command of the away mission, returning with an explicit account of his sexual exploits(complete with photos) in place of the expected report on the planets' reaction to first contact. The ship is ready to call the mission a success and depart until Baxter's alien lover, Lalalala, arrives on the ship and announces she's expecting a child. Baxter turns to the male members of the senior staff for help on dealing with the situation, and it turns out that both Lalalala and the captain are pregnant, each embedded with an egg containing half of a child in their backside(a foible of Greavtonian reproduction he would have learned had he listened to LtCmdr Watson's briefing in full). When he tries to talk his way out of the situation Lalalala instead seduces him into some back-on-back action that results in their child erupting forth, hideous and almost fully grown. Lalalala announces that she and Baxter are now married and she will be moving in along with the gruesome looking child, who is already walking and talking. Meanwhile, the officers have made some discoveries about the planet's sexual culture: Firstly, Lalalala is underage by her people's standards, and secondly, due to the short time it takes to raise a child Greavtonian marriages last only until the participants find a new mate. Baxter schemes to arrange a liaison between Lalalala and another, more disposable crewman and settles on Ensign Durango, a loudmouth jerk who has been recently annoying the officers at the ship's bar. Durango is tricked into a meeting with Lalalala in the Captain's quarters, and is luckily(and creepily) aroused by the site of her nursing her child from behind. As he and Lalalala embrace, Captain Baxter has them transported to the planet's surface and orders the ship to depart to its next mission.

The episode was reviewed by Stockyard Magazine.

Baxter's Flute

2010-03-03T12:16:00.000-06:00

credit where due

2010-03-03T12:14:00.003-06:00

Hope you've been enjoying the videos promo you've seen gracing this page, they're are more on the way so keep checking back. Where do they come from you ask? Well, written and directed by the the Improvised Star Trek cast, the videos have been produced by Very Clever Media, a Chicago based video and media company only partially comprised of IST cast.

The model of the USS Sisyphus used in our most recent video(Baxter's Flute) and our blog background image was the work of artist Chris Martin, who was kind enough to donate one of his models when contacted by IST. More of his 3D art can be found at his blog Evil Starship Factory.

The recorder rendition of the TNG theme in the same video was provided by Matt Smith.

Lets, see...anything else?
Star Trek is a registered trademark of CBS Studios and Paramount Pictures. We are not either of them.

Episode 20: The Neutral Planet

2010-03-02T13:46:00.003-06:00

When the USS Sisyphus finds itself without a captain, First Officer Corbomite Hayes steps up to lead the ship on an important mission to the Neutral Planet. Its a development that leaves the rest of the crew questioning the wisdom of the chain of command; Dr. "McCloud" having assumed himself to be next in line to command, and LtCmdr. Watson wondering if they are all part of one of Cmdr. Hayes frequent holodeck programs. Despite the crews' doubts Hayes is ready to proceed, until the arrival of Captain Steve, a data-entry specialist who got a call from his Temp Agency that morning to take command of Sisyphus temporarily(or if he's lucky, temp-to-perm). Captain Steve is soon friendly with the whole crew(excepting Hayes); LtCmdr Watson, Lt. Fassbinder and Lt. Cola invite him to a lunch date of Parisees Squares; and the latter two discuss the odds of Cola sleeping with Steve during his tenure(their conclusion: pretty high).

Hoping to be regain command through a technicality, Hayes has Dr. "McCloud" check that Steve's medical records are up-to-date, but the doctor makes a shocking discovery: Captain Steve is not only a temporary captain, but a temporary human being. A clone grown for specific temp assignments, Steve has a lifespan of only a few days before he melts. Steve overhears this news and, having been unaware of the fact, gets a bit depressed. The crew resolve to help him enjoy his remaining time as captain, and on the neutral planet a morose Captain Steve and his landing party meet a Neutral emissary, who greets them indifferently. The emissary is nonplussed when its discovered the cargo the Sisyphus was delivering contains a massive bomb, but the Sisyphus crew feel the news requires some sort of response on their part. With only one hour until detonation, Captain Steve volunteers to eat the bomb, which edible for some reason(perhaps to avoid detection?). Proud to sacrifice his life, and basking in the the respect of the Sisyphus and the indifference of the natives, Captain Steve heads off to enjoy his last hour with some cigarettes from the Neutral Planet's Duty Free shop.

With Special Guest Brett Lyons as Captain Steve.

Monthly Engineering Report

2010-02-25T13:24:00.000-06:00

Episode 19: City on the Edge of Forever

2010-02-24T15:21:00.015-06:00

No, not that one. Captain Baxter feels overshadowed when his old academy friend, Admiral Jefferies, inventor of the Jefferies tubes, arrives onboard the USS Sisyphus to lead a mission of the utmost importance. The Admiral orders the Sisyphus to the secret location of Forever, giving coordinates to a City that Starfleet has detected on its edge. Privately he warns Baxter that the crew may not all make it back alive, but Baxter assures him that its the case with most of his missions, having routinely endangered his crew unnecessarily just to keep things exciting. Dr. "Foggy McCloud" fruitlessly counsels the Captain and Admiral to abandon the mission; during his eons of being a cloud he passed through Forever, and the region has the effect of making one temporarily omniscient, a condition he is sure the crew cannot handle. Cmdr. Hayes also worries about what they'll find, having been on a mission to Eternity before and finding it unpleasant. Due to his eponymous tubes Admiral Jefferies is a hero to much of the crew, who spend much of the trip fawning over him. Lt. Lady Cola and he disappear for a long crawl through the Sisyphus's tubes, and Fritz and Japhy cancel their tether-ball date to bake the admiral a cake on the holodeck(while the cake vanishes once it leaves the holodeck, the delicious smell follows them the rest of the day). Arriving at the City of the Edge of Forever, the crew begin to experience flashes of unearned knowledge; they learn the numerous types of tigers, and that in five years time LtCmdr Watson will murder Engineer Fassbinder. Admiral Jefferies instructs the crew to scan for Nazi's, and they're shocked to discover the City is overrun with them.

Captain Baxter has the Nazi's brought onboard to interrogate them, but they soon overrun the ship, planning to take it for themselves. Just when it appears all is lost, an assault team led by the Admiral jumps out of a Jefferies tube, killing all the Nazi's. Having destroyed the omniscient Nazi threat Admiral Jefferies orders the ship away from Forever, and tells the crew to remember that while its their job to seek out new life in a spirit of open-mindness and acceptance, its still always okay to kill a Nazi. Everyone piles into a Jefferies tube for a group photo with their hero; Captain Baxter is asked to take the picture.

With Special Guest Alex Eilhauer as Admiral Jeffries

Episode 18: Beam me up, Oprah!

2010-02-15T14:53:00.001-06:00

For a synopsis of this episode check the March issue of O Magazine.

LtCmdr Watson FedDate Entry

2010-02-11T17:24:00.003-06:00

Episode 17: An Abundance of Fortune

2010-02-10T13:45:00.002-06:00

Things are going well for the crew of USS Sisyphus: an overhaul of the engines has brought the ship up to spec, maintenance troubles are under control, and morale is unusually high. Whether the cause or the effect of these better days, Captain Baxter has extended operating hours of the ships' bar to 4am, with predictable consequences. Commander Hayes and LtCmdr Watson are debating the merits of the running the whole Federation on Greenwich Mean Time when a drunk Ensign Lorem(demoted after his rescue from planet Mumex) staggers in for the early morning shift, and Bloody Mary's proliferate at staff meetings. The Captain chooses to act on an idea he'd had the night previously, and informs Japhy Whitman that he's requesting the Counselor be replaced. Roaming the ship, Whitman encounters Ensign Lorem, melancholy over his loss of rank and unsure if Starfleet is still his home. The two hit it off, and after some drinks agree to take a shuttlecraft out for a raucous cruise. The ship notices the theft of the SS James Jackson when Lorem & Whitman broadcast a Success Call, the rarely used twin of the Distress Call, but with some maneuvering and tachyon tricks they avoid a tractor beam. Ensign Lorem suggests they never return to the ship, and tries to talk Japhy into joining him in his deep-seated compulsion to Violate the Prime Directive. The Counselor explains he's not really into the whole Directive thing, but knows that being a member of Starfleet is the best time he's ever had and he'd never walk away from it. He convinces Lorem to return to the Sisyphus, and his speech is overheard by Captain Baxter, who has beamed over to retake the shuttle with Lt. Fassbinder. Impressed by the Counselor's demonstration of conviction and people skills, the Captain decides Japhy can keep his job. Back on the ship the crew enjoys a drink, and even manages to call it an early night when a new compound Dr. "McCloud" is experimenting with packs an evening of drinking into a single glass.

With Special Guest Nick Wagner as Ensign Charles Lorem

"Man for A Day" a poem by Lt. Lady Cola

2010-02-08T06:02:00.002-06:00

I.
Man for a day
Lady away
Lady will stay
herself?

This was the day
Q Min came to play

II.
Soon the boys turned to girls
(Counselor Japhy grew curls)
Baxter's dream came unfurled
And he tried to become his own father

III.
Inside time's murky haze
With a baby in Hayes
Cricket tried fighting madness with reason

IV.
When the Q matches wits
He will do it with Fritz
Ladyman is content with seduction

V.
Man for a day
Oh, what will they say?
Did we like it that way?

When the Q comes to play
Pay attention.

Episode 16: The Time Conundrum

2010-02-04T17:11:00.006-06:00

Captain Baxter has convinced himself that hes his own father, and plans to abandon the USS Sisyphus' scheduled ore delivery to instead slingshot around a sun at warpspeed so he can travel back in time and impregnate his own mother. He meets with Science Officer Watson who objects and cites the many time travel ethics courses taught at starfleet academy, but Captain Baxter had taken the poetry electives instead and will not be swayed. Things are complicated by the sudden reappearance Q-Min, a member of the Q Continuum who has interfered with the Sisyphus before. He warns the Captain that his attempt to father himself will not turn out how he plans. Dr "McCloud" confirms that Captains DNA is self-similar enough to be his own father, but reminds him that doesn't really prove anything, for reasons most viewers can put together on their own. The Captain also brief's Cmdr Hayes and Lt. Cola to be prepared for Q's interference, but is struck by the fact that his first officer appears to be pregnant. Hayes confirms that he was visited by strange lights the previous evening, and now seems to be carrying a gestating lifeform. Q reappears and taunts Baxter further, and the Captain orders the Sisyphus into the past.

The Sisyphus arrives at Starbase 12 in 2336, the place and time of the Captain's birth, but with a startling side effect. The thoridian ore that the ship was transporting interfered with the time travel process, switching the genders of the whole crew, excluding Dr "McCloud" who is genderless. The reactions of the crew are varied: Lt. Cola, now the only male on the senior crew, soon gives in to his lust and aggressively solicits the others; Cmdr Hayes is relieved to have more room for her quickly-growing baby; the Captain, however, is distraught in the knowledge that she won't be able to father himself. Q explains the inevitability of Baxter's failure and warns that he still doesn't understand the events unfolding. Struggling to make sense of his cryptic statements the crew considers the possibility that Baxter is Hayes' baby, and Fritz wonders if Q is his father. Hayes baby turns out to be himself, and he places the baby into one of the ship's adoption probes and send it off. Resigned to the fact that he's just a normal person the Captain orders the ship back to the present, but Q intervenes one last time, freezing the crew except for Lt. Cola, who he gives an opportunity to follow through on her masculine urges.

With Special Guest Steve Waltien as Q.

Supplemental material: Man For A Day a poem by Lady Cola

Episode 15: Clone Saga

2010-01-28T12:00:00.005-06:00

Equipment breakdowns are undermining the USS Sisyphus's ability to investigation a mysterious tachyon cloud, until a duplicate Chief Engineer Fassbinder appears and resolves the ship's maintenance backlog. Other doubles are soon spotted over the ship, and Captain Baxter order Science Officer Watson to determine their source. Baxter then orders the rest of the crew to join him for a drink in Starboards, confident that vital duties can be covered by their doubles and the ship's Computer. Watson and the two Fassbinders determine that ship has drifted into the tachyon cloud and the clones are actually versions of the crew from their own past or future. They make their report to the well-lubricated senior staff who have been swapping stories about doubles and times anomalies. Baxter departs the bar determined to find his double and have sex with himself, unaware that such an act could destroy the universe. Meanwhile, Future Fritz's missing accent and other differences between the crew and their otherselves begins raising questions about the futures of the Sisyphus crew. Cybernetic Winslow Heffington III, LtCmdr Watson, Female LtCmdr Watson, Cmdr Hayes, and Cmdr Hayes From Two Seconds in the Past meet to find the Captain before his apocalyptic self-sexing, but Baxter arrives and announces he can't find his copy. Helmsman Heffington, himself a sometimes time traveler, realizes that the clones they're encountering are not actually from their past or future, but illusions of the past & future caused by tachyon interference in the brain. Taking a chance, the crew tests his theory by touching their supposed doubles, and reality begins to reassert itself. The situation is downgraded from time rupture to space madness, and the Captain retires to his quarters to follow through on his ambitions.

Episode 14: Cabin Fever

2010-01-20T16:21:00.001-06:00

The USS Sisyphus is suffering from a complete systems lock down and Computer, the ship's sentient computer, is incommunicado(though a chipper back-up program called Cousin Computer is happy to help in anyway he can). With nothing to do and no immediate threat Commander Hayes and Counselor Japhy convince Captain Baxter to stop running drills(he has added White Alert to the standard Starfleet color system) and take the opportunity to work on crew morale. He schedules a mandatory Hang-out in Starboard's, the ship's bar, which Lt.Cmdr Watson and Lt. Cola try to avoid with a medical excuse from Dr "McCloud". They fail, but take advantage of Cousin Computer to replicate some antique contraceptives, which Computer refuses to do and which Watson and Cola prefer to the standard Starfleet practice of phasering oneself in the junk. At the Starboard's Hang-out the senior crew soon settle on a game of Truth or Dare; Dr. "Foggy" aerates someone and Cmdr. Hayes admits he's seen some nasty stuff on away missions. Counselor Japhy storms out when he realizes the crew haven't been coming to him with their personal problems and a troubled Captain Baxter calls the meeting off. Japhy holes himself up in his quarters and makes balloon animals with the prophylactics he stole from Cola & Watson, but one by one crew members unsettled from the Truth or Dare game wander in for guidance. The counselor is ecstatic to be solving problem and at his suggestion Hayes and Baxter bond on a holodeck adventure based on the ancient Earth religious parable The Matrix(until Baxter takes the Blue Pill). But Watson's admission that he can't imagine anyone loving him leads to a distraught Lt. Cola running off near tears, forcing everyone to reiterate her interest to the oblivious Crick. As the lockdown nears its end tension permeates the bridge, until Captain Baxter declares an Amber Alert to find a missing child below decks. He sends Cola & Watson to look for the child together, only admitting after they're gone that the alert is a hoax.

Emergency Medical FAQ

2010-01-12T15:16:00.001-06:00

Have a question For Counselor Whitman? Wait until the end and click on your query!

Episode 13: The Sisyphus That Wasn't There

2010-01-12T13:31:00.006-06:00

Mysterious troubles on the USS Sisyphus begin when crew members become invisible and then completely intangible, a mystery that deepens when an exact copy of the ship appears alongside them in space. Commanded by Captain Fritz Fassbinder, this alternate Sisyphus has the same crew as the one audiences have come to know and love, but with different positions onboard ship, from Science Officer Winslow Heffington III to ship's barber Julius Baxter. The other ship admits they found themselves in this universe after exploring a strange nebula, and are also having crewman turn invisible and fade away. A party beams over from the Alt.Sisyphus and determines the vanishings are a result of the two ships trying to co-exists, a process that, at least on the Alt.Sisyphus, is exacerbated by Abba songs. The two crews work closely together to find a solution, during which time Dr. "McCloud" merges with his gas cloud doppelganger(a process which appears to be permanent). On Alt.Sisyphus the alternate crew debates whether they should destroy this universes' Sisyphus to keep from fading away, or keep searching for a scientific solution. The merged Dr. "McCloud" makes the case that the most heroic course of action would be to fly into a nearby star, killing themselves and saving their counterparts, an argument that wins over Captain Fassbinder. The Alt.Sisyphus flies into the star(though without Dr. "McCloud") blasting Abba's "Take a Chance on Me." Onboard this universe's Sisyphus, a memorial service is held to honor their sacrifice as crew members slowly reappear. Inspired by the noble sacrifice of their doubles, Captain Baxter orders the ship into a nearby sun. He is presumably talked out of it.

Take a Chance on Me – Abba

Lady Cola's Personal Log

2010-01-05T16:56:00.002-06:00

Episode 12: Pants-Off Dance-Off Planet

2010-01-05T16:55:00.010-06:00

When the USS Sisyphus discovers a strange planet unreadable to their scanners a landing party is sent to investigate. The team includes is the ships secondary physician, nicknamed Dr. Bleedy as his true name causes the ears of humanoids to bleed profusely. Also, if exposed to the environment outside of his highly-sensitive containment suit he'll suffer a quick but horrible death. Also, the sound he makes to confirm his suit is intact after any minor collision sounds like someone screaming to death. He is a welcome addition to the crew. The away team is beset by political and counting problems as soon as numbering off is attempted, but two uneven teams are eventually formed, and a search of the surface begins.

The away team soon makes contact with the natives who have a dance-based culture. While Heffington is able to temporarily placate them by teaching them a box step, they're soon mistrustful of the visitors. It seems the planet's monoculture considers pants to be an evil, a fact that the Starfleet officers didn't originally notice since the natives' genitals resemble hand held weapons. The crew requests a beam up from an increasingly hostile situation, but its impossible to do so as the Computer has shut himself down to escape a tedious conversation with the Captain and LtCmdr Watson. The Captain decides to head to the planet's surface in the shuttlecraft SS People of Earth to rescue the away team.

On the planet, Dr. Bleedy's inability to disrobe without dying angers the natives greatly, and the space thermals of Hayes and Fritz seems to them some sort of evil mojo. The captain drops trou and tries to perform a dance of understanding and mutual respect, inviting the natives to join the Federation despite the fact that they're primitive superstitious savages with whom any contact is a violation of the Prime Directive. The natives decline and ask that the crew depart, but not before lifting the curse that prevented them from counting properly or beaming back to ship. Which was odd, since they thought they already knew the cause of that. Also, a curse?

With Special Guest Dunbar Dicks as Dr. "Bleedy"

Episode 11: Mutiny on the Starboard Side

2010-01-04T15:01:00.001-06:00

No synopsis this week. This episode can only be truly appreciated on vinyl.

With Special Guests Anthony Oberbeck, Nancy Friedrich and Chris Bragg as the Space Rocker Commune

Episode 10: Gravity's Rainbow

2009-12-30T11:46:00.006-06:00

The USS Sisyphus is heading to Deep Space 6 for diagnostics until Captain Baxter decides to take advantage of the break in their schedule and orders the ship to Prankeria IV, the April Fools Planet. Anticipating a tomfoolery-fill shoreleave, the crew stages an intervention with Science Officer Crick Watson, warning him that he won't be allowed to ruin everyone's fun with his no-nonsense attitude and boring adherence to protocol. As the the ship arrives in orbit, the captain announces another surprise: he's arranged for a Prankerian Corporate Training group, Gravity's Rainbow, to do a workshop with the senior officers. The Rainbow team are soon hard at work teaching the crew to succeed using their signature methods of positivity, eroticism, and bodily fluid collection. The latter two are too distressing for Winslow Heffington, coming as he does from the the primitive and prudish 20th-Century, and he asked to be relieved of duty. Lt.Cmdr. Watson confides with Dr "McCloud" that he's developing hives, a sign that he's being pranked, and Counselor Whitman laments that the outsiders are more adept at getting the crew to open up than he's ever been.

While Gravity's Rainbow incites numerous interpersonal breakthroughs and draws attention to dysfunction in the Sisyphus' workings, their focus on collecting the vital fluids from the crew eventually raises suspicion. Unfortunately the crew is too deeply under their erotic influence to act on their suspicions, and a desperate Dr. "McCloud" has the Computer beam the team and himself to a cargo bay. Immune to sexual desire, he intends to face them alone, but Security Chief Lady Cola follows against orders. After months of flirting with her crewmates without reciprocation, her sexual frustration has reached breaking point, and she is desperate to learn the Rainbow's teams secrets of seduction. Dr. "McCloud" valiantly tries to win back Lt. Cola and fight off Gravity's Rainbow's Corporate Concepts, but eventually succumbs to their powerful buzzwords. At the last minute Captain Baxter arrive phasers blazing, incapacitating everyone in the cargo bay.

The Prankerians admit that they're not really Corporate Trainers; they had hoped that collecting the sexual fluids of the crew might save their planet, rendered sterile and dessicated in a prank gone wrong. The Captain explains the Federation is always ready to fill a cup in the spirit of friendship, and orders a shipwide fluid drive with free cookies for participants. Within hours the planet is saved, and as the Sisyphus departs Lt. Cola, using her recent assertiveness training, informs Lt.Cmdr. Watson that they're now a couple. He initially objects, but the rest of the bridge crew convince him that Lt. Cola's interest in him is his only interesting characteristic.

With Special Guests Jet Eveleth, Brian Jack, Holly Laurent and Jake Schneider of The Reckoning as Gravity's Rainbow Corporate Training

Episode 9: Camaraderie

2009-12-17T11:25:00.006-06:00

The USS Sisyphus is on an urgent mission to Indelibus V to mediate a civil war when Counselor Whitman announces that its time for the ship's scavenger hunt, the winner of which will be the MC of the ships upcoming pep rally (an honor Engineer Fassbinder has won every previous year). Captain Baxter orders the ship to stop until the scavenger hunt is complete, sending crew members racing around the ship to find thimbles and hand bells, and having their pictures taken in various zany situations. The rules require everyone form two person teams, but when no one asks Dr. "Foggy McCloud" to be partners he begins to regret his inability to understand human connections. Lt. Cola, frustrated by Lt. Cmdr. Watson's continued refusal to be more familiar with his comrades on board(and herself in particular) conspires with the Counselor to add "Snuggle Crick Watson" to the scavenger list. Soon the Science Officer is unable to move about the ship without having his picture taken in the forced embrace of another crewman. Captain Baxter is barred from participating in the Scavenger Hunt, but his desire to MC the pep rally is so great he begins gather items in disguise as Lt. Cmdr. Raxter. A meeting of the senior staff is called when the Counselor is revealed to have hidden items in the warp core, disabling the engine and using the displaced dilithium crystals to make jewelry, but that problem, along with the warring Indelibans, is soon forgotten when Dr "McCloud" runs away. Hurt and frustrated over the emotional distance between him and crew, he plans to sublimate into his original form as a giant gas cloud an leave the Sisyphus forever. Various members of the crew try to talk him out of leaving, but its ultimately Engineer Fassbinder who makes a breakthrough, with a firm a hug and some "its not your fault"s. Fassbinder, who has won the scavenger hunt again by transporting his crewmate's items into space, offers to let "Foggy" co-MC the pep rally, an offer which he emotionally accepts.

Presumably, the engines get fixed and the civil war on Indelibus V is mediated before too many die.

With Special Guest Matt Young as Lt. Cmdr Raxter

Episode 8: Delicate Desires

2009-12-07T12:55:00.003-06:00

The USS Sisyphus receives word that they'll soon be inspected by Space OSHA, or SOSHA, prompting Captain Baxter to remember his high school days in a small town, where he and his friends Bill, Danny and Sammy desired nothing more after graduation than to work menial jobs and drink themselves to death. Baxter ended up joining Starfleet to avoid that fate, and his example spurred Sammy to get a job with SOSHA. The crew jumps into action to get the ship inspection ready, clearing out shuttle bays of hypodermic needles and disposing of contraband, but the SOSHA inspectors arrive early. To Baxter's joy the inspector is Sammy himself, aided by Bill and Danny, who he has gotten jobs. Wandering the ship they find Ferengi weed Counselor Japhy was trying to destroy, its potency far beyond anything Starfleet would allow Japhy to use for therapeutic purposes. Luckily, after making him(along with Lt. Fassbingder and Cmdr. Hayes) smoke it all, they reveal they've arrived early to help the Sisyphus prepare before their official inspection. Captain Baxter, Sammy, Danny & Bill decide to throw a raging party to serve the dual purpose of disposing of any remaining contraband on the ship and reliving their youthful desire to party themselves to oblivion. When the incriminating substances aren't disappearing at the desired rate they're beamed directly into the crews' blood stream, quickly reducing the crew to a small town-high school student level of incapacitation. In this state of mind Captain Baxter fires on the SOSHA vessel, which luckily survives the volley but files a report against the Sisyphus. For old times sake Baxter's friends promise the report will go missing and a more favorable one will take its place.

With Special Guests Alex Fendrich as Sammy Sosha, Bill Arnett as Bill, and Danny Mora as Danny.

Personal Log: Venereal Space Diseases

2009-12-04T15:17:00.003-06:00

Log entries of Commander Charles Lorem
Missing since Stardate 43926
Rescued Stardate 48345 by USS Sisyphus

**Begin Personal Log, Commander Charles Lorem**

It's been far too long since I've smelled the stale air of a shuttlecraft crammed full of Starfleet officers, but as the glow of Mumex's fledgling red-light district falls away off our starboard side my old life is rushing back to me. My dreams of command, my duty to Starfleet. I have no doubt that after my debriefing I'll be severely punished for having so thoroughly and… forcefully violated the Prime Directive. I admit I could not help myself. All my officers' training had not prepared me for the temptation of Mumex's magical double-moonlit nights.

Oh Heath! Or Keith! What did you do to this stolid officer, this son of the Federation? You took my heart, and left me cradling the broken remains of my Prime Directive. I tried to resist your caveman-like charms, and yet at last I was the one to cave. And had I to do it all again, I would. And when I was done with the Prime Directive, I'd violate the Secondary Directive too. I'd violate every directive in the book. I'd violate them all again and again. Over and over.

As we make our way back to the USS Sisyphus (did that ship exist four years ago?) I'm left with my longings. My longings and these three Starfleet officers, crammed so indelicately into this steaming hot shuttlecraft…

**End Personal Log, Commander Charles Lorem**

**Begin Extremely Personal Log, Commander Charles Lorem**

That rash is flaring up again. Right on my taint.

**End Extremely Personal Log, Commander Charles Lorem**

Episode 7: Venereal Space Disease

2009-11-30T16:00:00.008-06:00

Cmdr Hayes, Lt. Cmdr. Watson, Counselor Whitman and Kid Computer(a younger, hipper, more mobile copy of the Sisyphus's computer) are aboard the shuttlecraft SS James Jackson when they encounter a wormhole and crash-land on the out-of-the-way but not-completely-inaccessible planet of Mumex. The planet's Mayor, Yango, hopes to turn Mumex into a resort and seeks to win over the Sisyphus crew with help from Cmdr. Charles Lorem, a Starfleet officer from the USS Daedalus stranded on Mumex for four years. Lorem refuses to help, or even leave the cave he has made his home, where spends his time alone making haunted Extremely Personal Log entries about his raging lusts. The Mayor and his partner K/Heath try to entertain Sisyphus officers on their own, encouraging them to look around and enjoy the planet's brothels. Counselor Whitman finds himself alone with K/Heath, who he asks to tell everyone they had sex so he can impress his crewmmates. Hayes and Watson find Lorem in his cave where, after catching up on some Starfleet gossip, he points out that their interactions with the primitive natives are in violation of the Prime Directive, which they had totally forgotten about. Meanwhile, K/Heath's imaginary fling with Whitman has brought into focus very real problems with his and the Mayor's relationship. He confronts the Mayor about their future while the Starfleet officers plan to confront the Mayor to assess the cultural damage from their visit. When they arrive, however, Lorem takes the opportunity to confront K/Heath about their secret love affair, the source of his tortured feelings. K/Heath also admits to having sex with Lt. Watson when no one was looking. Between the Prime Directive violations and the embarrassing sexual liaisons, all have good reason to conceal what has occurred. The Starfleet officers and the Mumexians agree to secrecy and go their separate ways.

With Special Guests Nick Wagner as Cmdr Charles Lorem, Adal Rafai as Mayor Yango, and Anthony Oberbeck as K/Heath

Supplemental material: Personal Log Entries of Commander Charles Lorem

Episode 6: Schisms Part II

2009-11-25T12:41:00.002-06:00

Previously on Improvised Star Trek: Stabbing. Lots of stabbing. Also Lt. Fassbinder dies in Lt. Watson's arms, and Dr "Foggy McCloud" is left wandering the ship on his own.
The exciting conclusion: The crew of the USS Sisyphus is confused to find themselves alive after being stabbed to death, mostly by Captain Baxter. No one knows why such violence broke out, or why the crew are now unharmed. Counselor Japhy want to address the emotional effects being killed and resurrected is having on the crew, but the captain is more concerned with explaining what happened. Seventeen hours passed which can't be accounted for, leading Lt. Cola to postulate that the experience has something to do with the classic Earth story Contact, starring Jodi Foster. Engineer Fassbinder is convinced that Cmdr. Watson has saved his life and tries to be near him always. The Computer is hurt that so many of the crew stabbed his panels. Eventually, Dr "McCloud" admits that he might be responsible for at least the outbreak of violence. It seems that once a year he unconsciously releases a cloud of PCP, which drove the crew into a stabbing frenzy(except for Helmsman Heffington, who rearranged his books for several hours). However, he can't explain how the crew is now well, until the computer discovers that "McCloud" unwittingly released a second gas, which may be responsible for the crew's revival. Talk of closely monitoring the Doctor so as to study his emissions begins to make him uncomfortable, and he releases a gas to wipe everyone's memory of the incident.

Hey everyone, Lt Cola here. After our encounter with Q-min I looked through my old personal logs and found this doozy from my Academy days. Enjoy!

2009-11-21T09:34:00.003-06:00

Lady's Personal Log
February 10, 2368*

I screwed up on the flight simulator again. I don't even want to get into it but they made me go first and were not clear on their instructions. I took my C+ (humiliating) and went to my faculty adviser to tell him that I needed a hiatus from my work for a couple weeks and he was just so rude about it. Yeah, I GET that this is a commitment and responsibility and whatever, but in order for me to perform at maximum warp (see, I know their 'lingo') I need to take some time and get my own stuff worked out. Officers get vacations but students don't? That doesn't seem fair.

Saturday is Valentine's Day and I think I have to cancel my date with Jack. I have to cancel all my dates with Jack. I didn't come to the Academy to make friends or boyfriends, I'm here with a higher purpose: to excel at LIFE so I can throw it in everyone's face back on Ferenginar. I don't want to be like my mother or all my friend's moogies back home, naked all day waiting for our husbands and sons so we can prechew their grubs. Last week one of the girls on my floor uploaded a copy of The Feminine Mystique to my reading tablet and let me tell you, dear personal log, that book may be 400 years old but it is 100% true.

Me breaking up with Jack isn't about me not loving him, because I'm guessing this sick, sad feeling in my stomach means I do, it's about me becoming a full person before I can turn that feeling into something constructive.

I wish this school had a life simulator.

*I decided that I'm going to start using the ancient Earth calendar for my personal log so my entries will be harder to find in the future! Ha ha.

Episode 5: The Forgotten Phaser

2009-11-16T17:00:00.007-06:00

Capt. Baxter and Cmdr. Hayes are on the bridge discussing ship's business when a new ensign reveals himself to be a member of the powerful Q Continuum. Calling himself Q-Min, he warns that the crew of the USS Sisyphus isn't ready for their upcoming encounter with a mysterious force called The Quarv, and complicates matters by vanishing Sisyphus's weapons. He announces that the crew must all remember that which they have forgotten, and begins forcing them to relive painful memories. The Captain fakes his own departure to get the jump on Q-Min, and the crew try a seance to gain control of their memories, but its useless and Q-Min remains in control. The crew re-experiences painful break-ups; dead crewmates; and parents disappointed, perverted, and euthanized. Also an ill-advised breakfast. Dr. McCloud has no regrets, but is forced to dance, and the Computer is incapable of forgetting. Finally the Quarv ship arrives, crewed by the parents, lovers and shipmates from the bad memories of the Sisyphus crew. Captain Baxter boldly proclaims the value of repression, and orders the Sisyphus to flee at maximum speed. As the ship turns tail on the Quarv vessel its weapons reappear and a few photon torpedoes from the aft launcher obliterate the Quarv ship, which is revealed to be only an asteroid. Q-Min congratulates the crew on learning his lesson, which it turns out was to ignore his admonition to remember. He is asked to depart at phaser point and does so.

With Special Guest Steve Waltien as Q

Supplemental Material: Personal Log Entry of Cadet Lady Cola

First Officer's Log: Assimilation

2009-11-10T14:52:00.002-06:00

First Officers Log
Stardate 48329.9

What a day. I was in my quarters, having finally steeled myself up for some serious unpacking, when Captain Baxter called an emergency meeting of the senior staff. Turns out the ship was adrift and we'd floated into Borg territory! I may need to have a talk with Engineer Fassbinder about my previous orders for holodeck maintenance to override all other repair priorities. While the holodecks are vital to the mental health and well-being of the crew(and a ton of fun to boot) I can imagine days like today when functional engines might be preferable. I'll see what Fassbinder thinks, but frankly all our meetings so far have turned creepy, like when he tried to explain how warp theory is a perfect metaphor for humankinds' perpetual spiritual patricide.

Anyway, the Captain and Counselor Japhy got into an argument over who the Borg would try to assimilate first. If I were a betting man, and if bets had any value in our post-monetary society, I would have said the captain. And I'm proud to say I was completely ready to kill him and take command in that eventuality, but it never came up. The Borg didn't show up for what felt like forever, and when they did, they grabbed Japhy! Honestly, between not having to kill the captain and not having to come up with anything nice to say at the living wake Japhy'd scheduled for himself it was kind of a relief. Though now that I think about it, I need to talk to Lt. Watson about how those Borg got the jump on us, he was pretty insistent that his scanners were working. Also: see if Watson can get you any wine from his parents' vineyard, could be good, even if they are moon-supremacists.

I do have to say I was impressed with how the crew jumped into action once the Borg arrived. Lt. Cola did a fine job leading our strike force, even pulling out a person favorite of mine, the Mighty Duck's Flying V formation(another note to self: Its been too long since you coached a ragtag bunch of holographic kids to a hockey championship. Fix that.). Dr. McCloud tried to lend a hand by learning how to punch(he was a little unconcerned about all of our mortal peril for my taste, but I guess thats a Gas Cloud thing). Also: Captain Baxter was at Wolf 359! 40 starships destroyed by the Borg and he lived to tell the tale. I'll have to try and get said tale out of him at some point, but I'm sure its impressive. When it all went down I was in the Beta Quadrant, waiting to be rescued by my crewmates from a weird Spider/Bat thing. God, that thing was relentless.

Not today though: I kill my first Borg. Though when I retell the story I may leave out the fact that it was reeking of purple kush and offering us peace at the time. The fact that Japhy was able to assimilate those Borg into his lifestyle instead of the other way around was something I would not have anticipated, though I will admit he's pretty likable guy. Now that I think about it, in many ways this experience changes everything we know about the Borg, but I guess I shouldn't worry too much about that. The important thing is the ship is safe for another day, and I'm gonna call it a night. I'll probably put my unpacking off for another day too. Until then, there's no mattress like a holodeck mattress.

Cmdr. Corbomite B. Hayes
First Officer U.S.S. Sisyphus

Episode 4: Assimilation

2009-11-01T02:00:00.006-06:00

Lt. Lady Cola, in her dedication to the safety of the Sisyphus, is the first to notice the ship is adrift and has floated into Borg space, a fact Engineer Fassbinder can't really answer for. When the senior crew meet to discuss the Borg threat Captain Baxter is convinced the Borg will try to assimilate him to gain his knowledge of the crew, while Counselor Japhy is sure it's he who knows the crew best. Both prepare for their future assimilation differently, with Captain Baxter allowing Dr. "McCloud" to beam machinery into his body and practice removing it. Japhy resolves to have a last day of joy and freedom, posting a notice for his living wake on the bridge's viewscreen. Unfortunately, the notice obscures an approaching Borg ship, giving them an opportunity to beam aboard and capture Japhy(to everyone's surprise and despair). However, once in the Borg Hive Japhy helps the drones understand theres a more enlightened alternative to their overworked and stressed-out lives. He delivers the good news to Capt. Baxter, but an increasingly mechanical Baxter, himself a survivor of the Borg massacre at Wolf 359, orders the crew to wipe out the Borg Drum Circle that has broken out in the arboretum. Japhy warns away his new mellow Borg friends moments before the strike team arrives, and the crew retires to the starboard lounge to congratulate themselves on job well done.

Supplemental Material: Personal Log Entry of First Officer Corbomite Hayes

Episode 3: Here We Are Again...

2009-11-01T02:00:00.000-06:00

With the U.S.S. Sisyphus en route to the Betamax planet, new crewman Winslow Huffington III reports for duty. Winslow is pilot from Earth's World War One who has been mysteriously transported through time to 2371, which you'll recall is the current year. Starfleet has assigned him to work on the Sisyphus as part of a job placement program for the temporally displaced, and Captain Baxter is convinced he'll make a fine helmsman despite his ignorance of the 24th Century. Counselor Japhy Whitman has scheduled a talent show for the crew, and Lt. Cola and Capt. Baxter discover their shared love of tap dance. Its another on a long list of their shared interests, and they admit to a mutual attraction while on the bridge. Meanwhile, strange pockets of reverse time have been noticed on the ship, causing conversations to repeat and beards to ungrow. Captain Baxter consults Dr. "Foggy McCloud", who concludes little before being drawn into an argument with Counselor Whitman over who can call themselves a doctor. The Captain calls a meeting of the senior staff to addresses rumors that his and Cola's attraction is unprofessional, but the rest of the crew is more concerned with the time anomalies, excepting Japhy, who worries people aren't taking the talent show seriously enough. Winslow Huffington eventually admits his presence may be causing the time distortions, but haven't we all learned an important lesson about time?

Presumably, Lt. Watson eventually figures out something with tachyons that seems to do the trick.

Captain's Log: Red Shirt’s Revenge

2009-10-29T11:50:00.001-05:00

Captain’s Log: Stardate 48315.4

We are in orbit around that planet. That one that needed medicine or an ambassador. Anyway, Deck 14 was cut-off from the rest of the ship for and power seems to be draining from the other decks to there. Cmdr. Hayes’ revolutionary war holodeck adventure was cut short and he returned to the bridge to give a report about how the ancient forefathers of the United States of America sang instead of speaking back in 1776. Fascinating. An enthusiastic Lt. Cola and the science officer/jack-of-all-trades Lt. Watson went to check out Deck 14 with the First Officer. Hayes, I was shocked to learn, was relieved of duty by Counselor Whitman. The others were persuaded to join a growing mutiny led by Whitman and Fassbinder. This consisted mostly of whispering stupid secrets into space. The others were not compelled to join.

Later, I was debriefed by Lt. Watson on a murder that had occurred on the Sisyphus almost 20 years earlier. Clearly, a ghost was to blame for the problems on Deck 14. I dispatched Watson to gather evidence and get to the bottom of things.

Returning to the bridge, I imparted Watson’s information while I sat at Ops playing video games. I let Hayes sit in the big chair while we talked about games we like and planets we should go to. I’m looking forward to going to both the Haunted Planet and the Haunted House Planet.

Then a tug of war between the crew and mutineers began. Redirecting power from one deck to another, relieving each other of duty, and deleting personnel files, to say nothing of cutting off life support were the weapons with which we tried to snuff the other out. The Computer was sadly in the middle, but eventually had a breakthrough and realized that it didn’t want to be a party to murder (for now).

Per Lt. Cola’s order’s to split into groups of two, I went alone to deck 14 while the remainder of the senior staff, Watson, Hayes, and Cola spoke with the mutineers. I jumped from a Jeffries Tube and knocked them both unconscious.

It seems that Whitman and Fassbinder had taken control of Deck 14. Whitman apparently had been running his own revolutionary holodeck program.and had decided to start an insurgency mostly so he could quell it with own counter insurgency, or peace demonstration, or something. Fassbinder was just being a dick. Oh, and he was possessed by the ghost of the murdered Ensign Kerplec from 20 years ago. The computer was able to lock onto the ghost that dead bastard into and transport it directly into space. But Fassbinder is still a dick. Nice try, ghost ensign idiot. Guess you’ll have to try to resolve your earthly business on somebody else’s ship.

Episode 2: Red Shirt's Revenge

2009-10-23T16:12:00.002-05:00

A colonial holodeck adventure is interrupted when Engineer Fassbinder and Counselor Whitman seize control of Deck 14 and with it, the auxiliary bridge. A half-hearted power struggle ensues, and Lt. Cola puts together her first security team, made up Lt. Watson, who wants to remind everyone that he's only qualified to do science stuff. Its revealed that the Sisyphus may be haunted by the ghost of a Vulcan officer who died on Deck 14 twenty years previously, and Capt. Baxter and Cmdr. Hayes discuss the spookiest planets they've encountered. Japhy and Fritz use their control of the aux. bridge to therapeutically broadcast their darkest secrets to the galaxy, and Computer is increasingly caught in the middle of the conflict due to Japhy's authority to relieve people of command. In a final confrontation the senior officers rush the auxiliary bridge to sieze control, and find it reeking of Romulan weed. It turns out Japhy was only going along with the mutiny so he could protest against it, and for the therapeutic value it provided. Fritz however has been possessed by the vengeful Vulcan spirit, and must be restrained until the ghost can be beamed out of his body into space. Japhy is knocked unconscious in the struggle and it is decided to let him sleep it off.

Supplemental Material: Captain's Log

Poopdeck: Counselor's Log

2009-10-22T12:12:00.000-05:00

Counselor Log - Stardate blah,blah,blah

Hey all, Japhy here, checking in with Starfleet and letting ya know
whats going on in my life. Just got situated here on my new ship, the
USS Sisyphus. It's a cool place, man. As soon as I boarded I could
feel some real positive vibes coming from this baby. This things got
four warp thingies, so I imagine it's gotta be faster than almost any
ship in the fleet. Not that it's a competition or anything. I'm just
saying bravo engineers!

As far as the well being of the crew, I was, I must admit, a little
concerned at the get go. Some of the senior staff showed some
hesitance breaking in the ship with the maritime tradition of crapping
on board before leaving dock. This is an obvious sign of stunted
psychosexual development. Love of taking a poo is directly tied to
the love of one's own creative impulses and one's ability to create
love.

Take Lt. Cmdr. Crick Watson for example. He was so nervous about
shitting in front of us. I assume this probably comes from
overprotective parents or the fact that the kid is a real nerdy
science geek. My prescription is getting this kid laid, stat! And
"Doctor" Foggy McLeod said he couldn't take a dump because he is a gas
entity! Cool man. Embrace what makes you you but don't over
compensate. This dude, I think, is feeling really insecure and is
coming off super arrogant. I feel for him cause, man, I would act
like a choad too if I was a ghost who couldn't eat, drink, run or make
sweet love. My mission, make a brother with no body FEEL like he is
SOMEBODY.

All and all things are good for me here, but like I always say if I'm
gonna work hard, I need to play harder. So I'm taking shore leave to
Wrigley's Planet. I've been chatting online with a hot young lady
named Nancy Crater and we're gonna go spelunking for a few days.

Don't Stop Feeling,
Counselor Japhy Whitman

Episode 1: Poopdeck

2009-10-19T03:00:00.002-05:00

Captain Julie Baxter arrives on his new ship, the U.S.S. Sisyphus, where he's pleased to meet his new crew. But his first inspection turns troubling when Chief Engineer Fritz Fassbinder warns of bad luck for any ship whose Captain ignores the maritime tradition of defecating on the deck of the ship before it leaves spacedock. Soon repairs are behind schedule and the ship seems doomed before it even completes its shakedown. When the ship's self-aware Computer detects feces somewhere aboard the ship, search parties and cleaning crews jump into action. But finding a deuce in Starboards, the ships bar, is only the beginning of a mystery, as more poop starts popping up all over he ship. It turns out everyone on the senior staff pooped on the ship for some reason or another, some for their love of tradition, some to free their crewmates minds from their anal fixations, some because they couldn't find the bathrooms, and some just to jump on the bandwagon. That pooping episode behind them, Capt. Baxter proclaims how excited he is for the crews journey together to have begun.

Presumably they leave spacedock at some point after that.

Supplemental Material: Counselor's Log

Captain Julius Valentine Baxter

2009-10-18T13:54:00.004-05:00

Name: Julius Valentine Baxter
Rank: Captain
Interests: breakfast foods, comfort, drinking at Starboards, spaddexing,
Birthplace: Starbase 12
Aliases: Lt. Cmdr. Rick Raxter, Ensign Samantha Waxter, Guy Francisco: Space Ranger
Played by: Matt Young
Captain Baxter’s friends call him Jules. But he doesn’t have any friends. Instead, his crew often just call him Baxter. Or worse. He was born in space and could not find it more dull. He is a simple man with simpler pleasures. He takes his hot chocolate cold and his women any temperature he can get. He has been a Starfleet officer for the past 14 years, starting off as a transporter chief aboard the USS Bounty. He served there without distinction, missing shifts and leaving crew mates stranded planet-side. This formative time was key to learning how to forge reports and his rise in the chain of command, coincidentally. As captain, he tends to “blow stuff up first, ask questions later,” and can’t quite grasp why time travel isn’t the solution to every problem. Since taking command of the U.S.S. Sisyphus, he has faced the Borg, the Q Continuum, and God-Dressed-Like-Dr.-Who (faced is a strong word). He is an odd mixture of impetuous, lazy, and whimsical, and with a penchant for disguise, deception, and dessert, there is no one in the universe more ill-equipped to be leading this intrepid crew. And there is probably still a toaster stuck in his mid-section.

First Officer Corbomite B. Hayes

2009-10-18T13:52:00.006-05:00

Name: Corbomite B. Hayes
Rank: Commander
Interests: losing himself in a good holodeck adventure, nothing else ever
Birthplace: Starfleet locker rooms, Zero G training base, Europa
Distinctions: Hold the current fleet record for most possessions by a malevolent alien being
Played by: Christopher Rathjen
Corbomite B. Hayes comes from the distinguished Hayes family, famous for providing more admirals to Starfleet than another family, most recently his two parents and brother. He graduated from Starfleet Academy class of 2359, where he was a member the student jazz quintet The Federation Five with his close personal friend William Riker. And if Will Riker is too busy these days serving on the flagship and saving the Federation from the Borg to respond to messages from his old buddy Corbo, he’s not one to hold a grudge. Corbomite has served on 17 starships in various position, where he is convinced he rose up the ranks through hardwork and perseverance, and NOT some combination of surviving catastrophe and having family connections. Since joining the Sisyphus crew as First Officer he has adjusted his definition of professionalism to include sometime breaking the rules to do the right thing, and often breaking the rules to avoid review boards. He believes that everyday is an opportunity for the crew to be heroes, and failing that, every off-shift is an opportunity to reenact the 21st century Earth drama Heroes on the holodeck.

Science Officer Crickstopher "Crick" Watson

2009-10-18T13:51:00.006-05:00

Name: Crickstopher “Crick” Watson
Station: Chief Science Officer
Rank: Lieutenant Commander
Interests: Science, working hard, sticking his nose up in the air, chinchillas, cleanliness, secret Earthshine nips
Birthplace: Copernicus City, Luna (The Moon)
Played by: Sean Kelley
Crick Watson was born on the shores of Lake Armstrong in Copernicus City, Luna (Earth's moon). After graduating from Starfleet, he did an internship at the Daystrom Institute before being assigned as a lieutenant junior grade aboard the USS Tantalus. After two years of service aboard the Tantalus, Crick was re-assigned to the Sisyphus where he serves at the ship's science officer. In his spare time, Crick enjoys games of dom-jot, and spending time with Rudy, his pet chinchilla.

Security Chief Lady Cola

2009-10-18T13:41:00.002-05:00

Name: Lady Cola
Station: Security Chief, Chief Tactical Officer
Rank: Lieutenant
Interests: Snacks, sex, thinking about performing stand up comedy, singing, playing guitar, The Feminine Mystique
Birthplace: Ferenginar
Played by: Irene Marquette
Born into a family that broke with the Federation in favor of the Ferengi's capitalism based society, Lt. Cola's teenage years were tumultuous. After learning she could never be the Nagus she defied the Great Material Continuum to become neither one who wants nor one who has but one who is enrolled at Star Fleet Academy. As Chief of Security, Lady could not be more proud of the work she has done aboard the Sisyphus. Her signature tactical maneuver, The Flying V, is an homage to both one of her favorite Earth myths (The Mighty Ducks) and her passion for Women’s Studies. On a serious note, Star Fleet Academy has recently changed their program and are now calling it “Gender Studies”. If you also think this is unjust you can find and sign Lady’s petition on subspace. Lady would like to thank most of the crew of the “Sis”, various Admirals, Q, Japhy’s Parents, herself, a handful of Ambassadors and the replicator for the immense personal growth she has experienced during her tenure. Finally, a huge shout out to her closest confidants and best buddies, Lorem and the phaser mice that live and love in her quarters. Slumber Party Crew Forever!

Chief Engineer Fritz Fassbinder

2009-10-18T13:39:00.001-05:00

Name: Fritz Fassbinder
Station: Chief Engineer
Rank: Lieutenant
Birthplace: New Berlin, Earth
Played by: Griffen Eckstein
Lt. Fassbinder hates space, which is why he chose to build starships to defy it. Born in New Berlin, he grew up in a remote mountain village in Bavaria where never used any computers, tricorders, transporters or communicators until the age of 20. He then moved to San Francisco to take night classes at Starfleet Academy where he was an assistant to groundskeeper Boothby by day. Fritz loves Earth Basketball, replicated sandwiches and illegal Romulan holodeck programs. He also loves space, against his better judgment.

Counselor Japhy Whitman

2009-10-18T13:31:00.001-05:00

Name:Japhy Kinsey Whitman
Calling: Counselor
Rank: Unknown
Interests:, Surfing, Tacos, Nodding, Baja Hoodies, Taking it easy.
Birthplace: Risa
Additional Jobs: Event Coordinator, Ship DJ, Substitute Teacher
Played by: Joseph Wolff Phillips
Japhy was born on Risa, the son of two sex therapists who migrated from Earth to study alternative healing techniques. Mammy and Pappy Whitman become quite famous as the galaxy’s preeminent sex surrogates. Despondent and ignored Japhy turned to the sea, where he became Risa’s youngest surfing champion. Years went by and Japhy wore many hats, from surf instructor, to head masseuse and then Head of Guest Relations at the Crystal Ranch. Feeling adrift, Japhy decided to take on Risa’s biggest wave “The Tragic-End-of-a-Mutually-Beneficial-Sexual-Encounter Maker” and wiped out. As he laid on the beach waiting to die a Bajoran woman named Leeta took pity on him and invited him to Deep Space Nine where he sold hemp jewelry in the hallways (much to Odo’s dismay.) Eventually Japhy hitched a ride to Earth so he could see his ancestral homeland and go native. There he studied ecopsychology at Naropa University in Boulder, Colorado. One day while on a peyote trip Japhy was visited by space whales who warned him of a terrible lack of nature in space. So, he hopped aboard a Federation star ship to help any way he could. It’s unclear if he is actually a member of Starfleet but he never really cared for labels anyway.

Ch’arles Lorem

2009-10-18T13:30:00.000-05:00

Name: Ch’arles Lorem
Rank: Ensign
Interests: Cooking, baseball, lube
Birthplace: Trill (It’s the Trill homeworld. Look it up.)
Played by: Nick Wagner
Ch'arles Wasnewski was born on Trill (Wasnewski is a Trill name) to two perfectly normal Trill parents who did not abuse him or expose him to any sort of sexually-traumatic events. As a child, he excelled at school, practiced his Vulcan lute in the evening, and during the mild summer months played baseball with his school chums every day until it was too dark to see the ball (Trill are the only other race in the known galaxy to play baseball, aside from Tholians). When he learned he was not selected to receive a Trill Symbiont, Ch'arles decided he could still contribute positively to the world by attending Starfleet Academy, where he again excelled and graduated near the top of his class. He served with distinction aboard the U.S.S. Saratoga, the U.S.S. Denver, and was promoted at a young age to Commander and First Officer of the U.S.S. Daedalus (no, not that one.) While on the Daedalus, he received word that because of his distinguished performance he had been selected to undergo an unusually-late Joining procedure with the Lorem symbiont. After the Joining, Ch'arles began struggling with powerful sexual urges that were difficult to suppress. Only a few missions after the Joining, he was "accidentally" left stranded on the underdeveloped planet Mumex for over six years, where he proceeded to violate the Prime Directive repeatedly and in the most depraved ways imaginable. After being rescued from Mumex by the U.S.S. Sisyphus, Ch'arles Lorem was court-martialed. During his trial he exposed himself to the presiding Admirals and was subsequently kicked out of Star Fleet. Lorem then re-applied to the Academy, arguing that since the new individual Ch'arles Lorem had never been admitted into Star Fleet in the first place, he could not have been kicked out. This loophole allowed him to enter the Academy through the back door and matriculate almost immediately, as he had the combined knowledge of a Star Fleet Commander and a 500-year old Symbiont. He was then assigned to the Sisyphus as an Ensign, where he serves as Navigation Officer. He's had sexual fantasies about every member of the crew except, strangely, Lady Cola. In many cases he has already acted out those fantasies, usually unbeknownst to the crew members involved.

Winslow Heffington III

2009-10-18T13:28:00.000-05:00

Name: Winslow Heffington III
Played by: Shad Kunkle

Winslow Heffington III has become unstuck in time.

Chief Medical Officer "Foggy McLeod"

2009-10-18T13:27:00.001-05:00

Name: None
Nickname: Foggy McLeod
Played by: Charlie McCrackin
The first sentient gas entity in Star Fleet. In fact, he is the first of his kind to condense his mass into a humanoid form in order to cohabit and integrate with other life forms. Fascinated by the physiological intricacies of beings so different from himself, Foggy found himself drawn to the practice of medicine.

When last we saw Foggy he had been rendered inert.

DOMINICK-c671-45 or "Computer"

2009-10-18T13:24:00.001-05:00

Name: DOMINICK-c671-45 or "Computer"
Played by: Mike Maltz
Was written in the year 2016, as a program to monitor inventory for a Mid-Western, American, grocery store on the plant Earth. Dominick-c671-45, was deemed a highly efficient, highly effective tool for grocery store operations, including; inventory maintenance, online cataloging and eventually “personal shopping.” It is in this code, specifically those lines written under the heading Perceived Needs Interpretation that historians believe Dominick’s much debated “self-awareness” originated. Some argue that working so closely with human shopping needs eventually lead to its "realization" of its own “needs.” In the year 2298 at the sight of an early model replicator, Dominick is said to have expressed true feelings of pain and discomfort, exclaiming “F-this thing and F-you! I don’t care anyway!” before fading into complete obscurity by the early 24th century. As to how Dominick came to be aboard the Sisyphus or the exact capacity in which it functions on the ship, little is known.

Improvised Star Trek: Opening Titles

2009-10-18T13:11:00.000-05:00